i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
