so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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