OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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