keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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