Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
