puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
