Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
