As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
