did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
