so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
