I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
