I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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