i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pants are for mortals
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
