those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
