Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
