hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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