And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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