why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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