When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
