OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
