I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found the puke drawer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
