well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
