if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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