Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
