I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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