This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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