my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
