i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
