Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
