she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
