There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
