Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
