Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
