38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's blow job season.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?