3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.