i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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