Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out