So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.