...so i touched it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
