I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
