Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
