If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
