So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
