i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
