im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
