You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize