i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
