lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
