anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
