i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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