end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
