My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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