There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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