Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
