Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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