he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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