just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
