Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
