If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
