you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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