By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize