was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
