Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
