I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
