You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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