she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
