Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
