And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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