see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
