After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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