we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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