i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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