hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You are the jesus of drinking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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